feeling sorry for myself

Why is it that the second my head hits the pillow a motion picture story of the crap in my head starts to play? My hubby , who works very hard, is snoring softly and I would hate to wake him. So I try to stuff the sobs back down. Compacting the shitpile in my psyche.

Compacted shit is not nice at all. It is compact, heavy, and stinks, even through a stuffed up nose (from crying perhaps(((

I went to a wonderful art meeting tonight in the city
I felt light and young and almost care free
it didn't last
a half hour from home I felt the headache coming back

I felt the dread of dealing with the bills, the lonelyness and missing Kyle

closeness breeds contempt?

I don't know about that but it certainly seems to bring back my depression

my self pity even ?

yup I am sorry for myself that is for sure I want my boy back and I hate the world for taking him away from me



damn it all anyway